


Ice Tiger of Russia

by lightgirlification



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Family Dynamics, Fluff, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Rated teen for language, mental health talks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22261807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightgirlification/pseuds/lightgirlification
Summary: He sank his teeth into those who thought they could best him and kept his claws sharpened so that no one would dare cross his path, lest they wanted to get swiped at. Yuri didn’t need anybody other than his Grandpa, he was the only thing that mattered. He was the Ice Tiger of Russia, and he would roar from the highest mountain to show he’ll never be below the peak.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Kudos: 12





	Ice Tiger of Russia

**‘If you are above the rest, you mean something to the world around you. You earn their love and respect by being the absolute best.’**

This was the motto Yuri Plisetsky lived by. Ever since he was a child he knew he had to be better than everyone else. Nothing was ever given to him on a silver platter, he worked harder than the self-entitled crowd. He put food on the table and kept the house warm for him and his Grandpa, never accepted anything less then what the old man and he deserved; sometimes demanding more for him. All that could disappear if he was beneath anybody. He would fade away from existence, be shut out by everyone who ever said they cared. They would walk away without giving him a second thought, just as she did all those years ago. Yuri would not let it happen, for he was the Ice Tiger of Russia. He sank his teeth into those who thought they could best him and kept his claws sharpened so that no one would dare cross his path, lest they wanted to get swiped at. Yuri didn’t need anybody other than his Grandpa, he was the only thing that mattered. He was the Ice Tiger of Russia, and he would roar from the highest mountain to show he’ll never be below the peak.

Skating was a natural part of Yurio’s life at this point it practically ran through his veins. There were only a few places he felt truly at home and one of them was on the ice. He could just let his thoughts drift and be free of anything and everything that bothered him.

“Oh Yuriooo!” When it was quiet at least…Yurio rolled his eyes, knowing exactly who that overly excitable belonged to,

“What do you want old man?” Victor ignored Yurio’s jab at his age, seemingly used to it at this point, and skated up next to him. Great, more pestering from a lovestruck idiot.

“I just wanted to tell you congratulations on your latest achievement! Not everybody gets to go to the Olympics you know!”

“It’s not like I won’t be seeing you there. Both you and Katsudon are going too, so that means I have to see your stupid faces no matter where I go.” It’s not like Yurio hadn’t become more tolerant over the few months he’s known the Japanese male though, in fact Yuuri Katsuki grew on him.

 _‘Like a tick on a dog.’_ The teen thought to himself.

“Luckily the Olympics are still 3 years away so I have plenty of time to be with my Yuuri!” This caused Yurio to clench his teeth behind his lips. Typical of Victor to not consider the outcome of wasting practices for free time. Yurio spat out,

“Yes hang out with Katsudon, that won’t cost you the Olympics.” Victor only smiled, making the younger even more agitated,

“You need to learn to let go sometimes.”

“What, and be a sub-par skater like you? No thanks.” That last part was a lie, Victor Nikiforov was one of the best skaters he knew. Ever since he was younger he admired the other’s natural talent, but like he would ever say that out loud. Going into the Olympics with not only Katsudon but Victor too? The competition would be fierce, and just the thought of being up against _both_ made his anxieties run high; but he knew that if he practiced enough he’ll leap passed them. Because he was Yuri Plisetsky, and no one would remove him from his mountain top.

Practice was surprising uneventful, albeit that one conversation with Victor. Everyone rarely screwed up causing less yelling on Yakov’s part and minor scolding on Lilia’s. It was a relatively good day, and Yurio wasn’t complaining. Noticing a person in the corner of his eye, Yurio turned to see his ‘arch-rival’ Yuuri Katsuki, or ‘Katsudon’ as the blonde called him. It started with him calling the Japanese male ‘Piggy’, but somewhere down the line that nickname seemed off. Katsudon seemed to fit better as Yuuri loved it to the point of making it his original ‘Eros’; Yurio still has trouble not laughing at that.

“You seem deep in thought.” Yuuri spoke up, a smile on his lips that Yuri always found sickeningly sweet.

“Yeah well, thinking about dumb moments involving you is enough to keep my head going for several minutes.” Like Victor, Yuuri was not fazed by the taunts. Instead he let out a laugh,

“Is that so? I take it one of them involves me relating Katsudon to Eros? Cause I’ll be the first to admit I still have no idea what was going through my head.” It was Yurio’s turn to chuckle,

“Food, what else?”

“Hey, I’ll have you know that food is a good source of vitamins and minerals!”

“It’s also a good source for ‘staying alive’, your point?” Yuuri gave another laugh,

“Okay that was good.”

“Of course it was. I said it.” Feeling proud from the praise, Yurio packed up his things and began to walk outside,

“Wait up for me would you please?”

“Da.” It had become a ritual at this point. If Victor wasn’t walking home with Yuuri, Yurio would wait for him to walk him home instead. He lost count of the number of times Victor had to stay later due to needing more practice, he did miss an entire season after all. Yurio also lost count of the times Yuuri would become anxious at Victor’s stumbles or falls. It was slightly annoying but knowing what he did about Yuuri now than before brought things into clarity somewhat. Especially what happened that one night, yes Yurio remembered it clearly. Yuuri’s offhanded remarks, meanwhile his own comments not exactly helping, the tension was so thick you cut it like a knife, and then it happened.

Yuuri’s breathing was suddenly not normal in the younger’s ears and looking at the Japanese skater made his body freeze up on the spot. He didn’t know what to do and saying that it was okay only made it worse. It wasn’t until Victor came rushing to Yuuri’s side that Yurio realized he was constantly holding his breath, hell he was probably on the verge of his own panic attack. He needed to be escorted by the older Russian to sit on the coach while he calmed Yuuri down. He’d never admit this but Victor was surprisingly cool during the whole fiasco; talking Yuuri down from the high and knowing just what to say. For all that Yurio said about him, he knew that Victor could be serious when the chips were down. Afterwords, Yurio spent the rest of the night looking up the different forms of anxiety, what to do during a panic attack, how to stay calm when someone has one, etc.. Victor said, in a rather annoyingly sweet tone, that the blonde had fallen asleep with his phone in hand. Yurio brushed Victor’s words off but couldn’t deny the truth; he cared about Yuuri and how the anxiety affected him. Since that day, Yurio paid closer attention to the Japanese’s body language and vocal cues.

Staying true to his word, he waited for Yuuri to emerge from the building before making their way to the apartment the two older ones stayed at. It was clear to Yurio that he was visiting them more then he would’ve liked but contrary to what he’d like to let on, he didn’t see himself stopping anytime soon. They welcomed him no matter his mood, made him meals they knew he’d enjoy, and even included him in whatever plans they had when they could. It was…oddly comforting knowing that they had his back, albeit somewhat suffocating.

“You did really well today Yurio. You landed all of your jumps!” Like the Katsudon needed to tell him that. Still, praise was always nice to receive.

“Hmph, you weren’t too bad yourself. Still need to work on your own landings.”

“Yeah I know. Still unsure as to why I keep missing that one step.”

“Maybe you just naturally have two left feet?”

“Haha, maybe so.”

Originally, Yurio didn’t even want to get to know Yuuri. All he saw him as was more competition and nothing else. He didn’t necessarily _hate_ him, he more so thought of him as annoying and meek. Slowly however, the older male wormed his way into Yurio’s life and although he’d never admit this either, he was grateful for it.

Aside from the overly baring motherly moments, seriously what WERE those? They continued their usual friendly banter until they approached Yuuri and Victor’s apartment,

  
  


“Will you stay for dinner? I’m making katsudon tonight.” Yuuri asked as he unlocked the door, to which Yurio replied,

“Is this a bribe?”

“Maybe.” Yuuri laughed, “You haven’t stayed over in a while, so I figured making a favorite dish would encourage you to do so.”

“Hmph.” Yurio rolled his eyes, “Do what you want.” It’s not like what he said would change much. It seemed Yuuri and Victor would do whatever they wanted despite his arguments or protests. It was irritating at points and he wondered if it was just a means to an end, but he knew Yuuri didn't have it in him to play manipulator. There was already a woman who fufilled that role and she was thankfully long gone.

“Yurio?” Yurio snapped out of his thoughts to see Yuuri looking at him from inside, “Is something wrong?”

“Huh? No, why?”

“Well for one you’re letting the cold air in...” Yurio blinked and realized he was standing in the doorway still. He shook his head,

“I’m fine.” Entering the building he took up his usual spot on the couch, ignoring the look of disbelief from Yuuri, where Makkachin awaiting his presence. He was not a dog person by any means but he always made an acceptation for the brown poodle. He gave the big pooch a pet and said,

“Hey Makka. You’ve been good?” Makkachin gave a happy bark in response, leading Yurio to smile softly. He loved this big fluffball. He would always put Poyta first though, his beloved cat and all-time friend. He doesn’t have many of those after all, unless you count Otabek but he’s not a cat. Cat’s never turn your back on you and they are great snuggle buddies, better than any dog.

“Woof!”

…Okay better than _most_ dogs.

Yurio did indeed stay for dinner. He knew that he’d have to put up with mushy Victor and his eager assistant Yuuri but katsudon wasn’t something he’d ever refuse. The three talked about the usual: how their days went, how their skating routines were going, typical dinner time conversations. Afterword Yurio would help with washing dishes, and then watch some T.V. with the two lugheads. It had become a ritual at this point for Yurio. He couldn’t place it he just felt comfortable where he was. He supposed that Yuuri and Victor’s sickeningly enormous generosity helped. They don’t even say anything when he decided to retire for the evening at their place, they just accept it as fact like they didn’t mind having him over several times a week; almost every night now. It borderline on uncomfortable for Yurio but he still went along with it. The two legitimately wanted him there so he always took them up on the offer. He couldn’t deny the warm feeling it brought him, being so accepted by the two, but he couldn’t let them know. They’d never live it down.

**-O-O-O-**

Yurio had taken special precautions to make sure he did not become distracted by any means necessary. He’d made it a rule to focus and perfect his form and make the mess ups become few and far between. He made sure to ignore any pain a bruise or a fall brought; they were minor inconveniences. But when it came to his thoughts, that was another battle altogether. To say Yurio denied anything was ever wrong with him would be an understatement. He wasn’t sure when his thoughts started to cause him anxiety, but he did his best to bury them; he believed them to be just pre-competition jitters or the occasional anxiety over a routine not going the way he planned.

However, the spaces of his mind began to fester until anxiety was all that was left. Everytime he’d fail a jump or miss a step his chest and mind would be weighed down as if someone was squeezing them without mercy. Deep breaths and winning quelled the feelings at first, but as more wins were rewarded, the more he became a household name, that same feeling came back and each time it was more relentless. Yurio didn’t know why he was even feeling such a way but he wouldn’t let these thoughts control him. He had to be strong, he had to be the best, for his grandpa. If he wasn’t…

“Yurio?” The blonde snapped out of his thoughts and was face to face with Yuuri. After blinking a few times, Yurio spoke,

“What do you want Katsudon?”

“What do I-? Yurio you’ve been down on the ice for more then a minute.” He’s been what now? Come to think of it, he can’t remember what he was doing up until that moment. He remembers doing his routine, preparing to jump and then-oh. That’s right. He screwed up on one of the simplest of jumps. **Stupid** , so **_stupid_**. How could he have allowed that to happen?

“Yurio are you-” “Get out of my way.” Yurio spat, as he got up and returned to the beginning of his routine. Okay calm down, you’ve got this. It was a simple, **stupid** , mistake; won’t happen again. After some shouting from Lilia to straighten his form, he began his routine again. Everything went as it should until the final jump, and Yurio landed harshly on his side. **_Stupid._** This continued throughout the course of the day, and it began to draw concerned looks from those around him, most irritatingly from Victor and Yuuri. Just what he didn’t needed, pity. Pity was given by those who think they’re better than you and believe your problems are easily solved. Yurio would not be pitied, and he _would not_ be looked down upon. After practice had come to an end, Yakov and Lilia of course called him over to discuss his performance, or lack thereof. He found himself blocking out most of what was being said, as he already knew what they were saying; focus on your landings, don’t speed up at certain points, **_don’t be a failure_**.

Wait where did that come from? No matter how strict they were, they would never say that.

“Yurio are you listening?”

“Da…” He sounded annoyed, which didn’t seem out of character to either of the elders, who continued their detailed summaries but he didn’t need to listen; he knew how much he screwed up. Yurio felt the suffocating feeling of his chest being squeezed and he clenched his fists to try and ignore it. This will pass, just clench your teeth and bare it.

_You are a worthless excuse of a skater._

It’ll pass.

_You screwed up on things so simple. You aren’t worthy of your titles._

It’ll pass.

_Your grandpa would be disappointed in you._

Shut up.

It took him a few moments to realize he had said that aloud. Everything froze, from the two people in front of him to the skaters who were near and heard his words, to those two annoying idiots who he could sware one’s eyes were boring a hole in the back of his head. He did the only thing he could think of and made a quick exit, retreating to the locker room where he prayed no one would follow him. Yakov merely sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose,

“That boy…”

Meanwhile, Yurio kicked one of the lockers leaving a slight dent. How could he let his emotions slip like that, not to mention blab them out for everyone within a 5-meter radius to hear. How **_stupid._** He just needed to do one thing, keep his thoughts in check, and he was starting to slip on that. He heard the door to the locker room open, of course someone just had to follow him. Great, just great.

“Go away.” He heard no response. What the hell, why are they ignoring him? He turned to see Yuuri looking at him; of course it had to be him, of fucking course. “Didn’t you idiot hear me? I said **_go away_**.” Still nothing. Is he trying to test his patience? “What the hell do you _want_?”

“Just making sure you’re okay.”

“Of course I’m okay. It’s not like I completely failed at every turn today, landing on my ass like I’ve never picked up skating in my entire life. Yes I’m **_fucking_** peachy.” He knew the language was not necessary but he really wasn’t in the mood to deal with anything right now.

“It’s okay to have an off day once in a while Yurio.” Yuuri said, and the blonde grit his teeth,

“For you maybe.”

“Yes I have off days. Despite what I may tell myself it doesn’t make me any less talented. The same goes for you.” Despite Yuuri speaking the truth, Yurio found himself ignoring the words,

“Well unlike you I’ve got no time for ‘off days’.” The mere phrase left a bitter taste on his tongue. Yuuri sighed as he went to his locker and began to retrieve his things. Good, there was silence. Yurio didn’t need to answer any unnecessary questions-

“Teach me how to make katsudon pirozhki.” Yurio blinked several times before turning to the japanese male,

“What…?” Yuuri looked at him with a nervous smile,

“I’ve been trying to get the recipe down; the problem is I have no idea how to make pirozhki. Mind showing me tonight?” Where did this come from? He was half expecting Yuuri to try and pry answers out of him but instead he wants to have a cooking lesson? As much as Yurio was in a foul mood, the sound of katsudon pirozhki was too tempting to pass up. He was silent for a while before saying,

“…Fine. But there is a specific way that my grandpa makes them that is best and it’s not easy to replicate. I won’t make it easy for you so don’t expect me to hold your hand.” Yuuri chuckled,

“You got it. Let me just get everything together and we’ll go shopping.” Yurio wasn’t sure how this happened, how he got roped into buying ingredients with the two lovebirds and then cooking with them at their apartment but it somehow made today slightly more bearable.

“No, you fold the dough like this!” Yurio exclaimed, taking over Yuuri’s current pirozhki mold, “I’ve shown you 3 times, get it right already Katsudon!” Yuuri laughed,

“Okay okay, go easy on me!”

“I specifically said no hand holding! Showing you once should be enough!”

“Now play nice children!” Victor said.

“Who are you calling a child? You literally can’t go two steps without Katsudon strapped to your side!”

“I can’t help it! My Yuuri is too precious to let go!”

“I think I’m going to be ill…” This continued throughout their cooking activity, the banter that only the three of them could share; it was warm. Yurio couldn’t remember the last time in the past few months he just took the time to do something like this, and he honestly felt so calm. Despite the horrible practice that was **_terrible_** and an utter **_disgrace_** to everything he did-

“Ah, Yurio you’re pushing too hard on the dough!” Jumping slightly, the younger refocused his attention back onto his current activity. He needed to focus on making the best pirozhki these two ever tasted. Yes, focus on that and not how practice turned out.

“You don’t need to think about today so much.” Victor said. Yurio felt himself tense and sent a glare,

“I’m not thinking of anything.”

“Oh? So your mushed pirozhki is how it’s supposed to look?” Yurio looked down to see the current state of said pirozhki only to see it was absolutely demolished. He growled before beginning to restart his mold. “You aren’t the only one whose had a rough day Yurio.” Seriously? He is going to bring up that argument? “Even the best of skaters have bad days. I certainly do.” Yurio rolled his eyes,

“Yeah, because you decided to take season off to play coach.”

“No, it’s because I’m human. How many times do you think I’ve fallen during practices and even performances?” Yurio remained silent, so Victor continued, “When I was your age I would beat myself for falls and stumbles, but I learned that it’s okay to make mistakes.” **_Except it’s not._** If Yurio made mistakes then he’d fail. If he fails then everyone-

“Victor is right.” Yuuri interrupted Yurio’s train of thought, “You are a great skater Yurio, one of the best I know. You may fall, but you pick yourself up no matter how hard it is. I don’t know what is making you think otherwise, but I can assure you it’s not true.” What is with these two? Why are they trying so hard to cheer him up, to make him feel as if nothing was wrong with what happened? Why do they constantly try to tear down the defenses he built up to keep others out? Yurio didn’t understand, and it scared him; maybe he didn’t want to understand because what good would it do? Yurio shut his eyes and sighed,

“Whatever.” And that was the end of that conversation. After setting the pirozhkis in the oven, Yuuri and Victor retired to the living room but Yurio retreated to the bathroom to collect himself. He didn’t want to be with Victor and Yuuri, not after what they discussed. Besides if they saw them like this they would more than likely push and pry for hours on end. The suffocating feeling returned and he didn’t know how to force it back down his throat. **_It’s all those idiots’ fault._** Why do they say nothing about his attitude towards them, or Yuuri just accepting him despite all the mean things he’s said? Why do they give off this warmth that remind him of his grandpa that he desperately wants to grasp onto?

But he won’t, he can’t. Because even they would leave eventually.

**-O-O-O-**

Yurio couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned, clamped his eyes shut, even buried himself under the blankets, but no matter the solution, he couldn’t drift off. It was this stupid head of his, refusing to rest even after so many hours. Groaning in frustration, he sat up and glanced at the clock which read 11 pm. Deciding that rustling in his sheets would get him nowhere Yurio rose from his bed, grabbing his phone as he did so. He figured sitting in the living room and surfing through his phone would at least wear his mind out so he could get some rest before practice tomorrow; he couldn’t afford to miss any whatsoever. Making his way down the hallway, he noticed the faint light of a lamp on in the living room and if it were any other apartment he would’ve found it strange. But here, a lamp lit late at night was not uncommon and Yurio instantly knew the reason, his suspicions confirmed when he entered the living room to see Yuuri sitting on the couch reading a book. Probably sensing eyes on him, Yuuri looked up and blinked to readjust his vision,

“Yurio? What are you doing up?” There was a part of Yurio that wanted to give a snarky remark but he felt so drained from today’s practice and his reeling mind that he thought against it, opting to instead look away and mutter,

“Couldn’t sleep.” Yuuri nodded,

“Me neither. Tonight isn’t our night I suppose.” Yuuri quipped and Yurio grunted in agreement as it was technically true. Yuuri then stood up, “I’m going to make some tea. Want some?” Yurio looked at Yuuri for a moment before shrugging,

“I guess.” Who knows, maybe it’ll make him doze off finally, “But it better have honey it Katsudon.” Yuuri gave a soft smile,

“Understood.” After waiting on the couch for while skimming though his phone nonchalantly, he saw a cup being offered to him. Yurio set his phone down and accepted the hot mug,

“Thanks.” Yuuri sat next to him, albeit a reasonable distance to give the other some space. Given what had happen today, Yurio was grateful for it. Taking a sip of his tea, Yurio felt his mind finally calm slightly as the honey mixed drink slid down his throat. Speaking of his mind, Yurio thought about asking Yuuri if he experienced the same thing and if so, was there a way to stop it. His pride would always get in the way however; why should he ask Katsudon for help? But with his thoughts becoming increasingly out of control and more annoying as the days went on, Yurio couldn’t think of any other solution, nor a better person to ask. Swallowing another sip of tea Yurio spoke up,

“…Katsudon?” Yuuri turned to him,

“Yes?” Yurio was silent for a moment, looking down at his cup,

“How do you…How do you get your head to shut off?” Just saying what he did made him feel **_stupid._** It sounded like he was a crazy person, then again Yuuri more than likely went through the same thing and knowing what he knows now Yurio wouldn’t dare talk down about something like this. For Yurio to have it though, that was another story. He was a strong, fierce tiger and he would not falter in the face of anything, not even himself. He saw Yuuri take in the question and think it over before giving a soft, yet solemn smile,

“I don’t.” Yurio stared at the other slightly stunned, the two words sending a chill through him,

“Then, how do you even get through each day?”

“It’s not easy. Some days I’m lucky and I feel great, I want to take on anything thrown at me. I am able to do more then usual and I find myself loving everything about me.” There was a pause, “And other days…Other days I feel the opposite. I criticize all that I do, I hate everything from my skating to my mere reflection, I don’t even want to get out of bed in the morning. My thoughts can rule over me with an iron fist, but I continue to fight through it because what I think and what I do are two different things; I can choose to listen to my head or do the things I want.” He looked up, “It can be terrifying, and I still have days where I can barely function, but at the end of it all, I know I’ll be okay. I have people around me who pull me up and can guide me in the right direction. My family, friends, Victor,” He turned to Yurio with a smile, “and you.” Yurio couldn’t say anything.

Everything he heard made him wonder how on earth Yuuri was even able to function. Yuuri more than likely lived with this his whole life yet he powered through it despite the odds stacked against him. Yurio began wondered how the older felt when he yelled at him when they first met. Did he make the Japanese skater feel like complete garbage, or even worse, make him want to retire right then and there? All he’s been is a complete and utter dick to him, yet the man considered him a friend, someone important in his life, despite everything Yurio did and said. How **_stupid_** was this person; this **_stupid_** , overly nice person?

“So what you’re saying is that it never goes away?” Yurio asked.

“No, but it can be overpowered and conquered.”

“But it’s easier said than done.” Yuuri nodded. After a moment of silence, he turned to the younger,

“Why do you ask?” Yurio was tempted to explain what he had been going through as of late, in fact he felt the words on the edge of his tongue, but his pride won over as it always did. He shook his head,

“No reason.” He felt Yuuri’s eyes on him for a few more seconds before the dark-haired man finally looked away. Yurio wasn’t sure when it had become hard to trust others than his Grandfather, even when his mom left he wasn’t so closed off as he is now. Maybe it was because of the amount of pressure he knew was on his shoulders being the breadwinner of his family, or the stress that should he slip up even once things would be all over for him, or maybe because was simply the fact that he just couldn’t believe others would want to be his friend. It’s why Otabek’s offer of friendship was so shocking to him, it honestly still was. ‘The eyes of a soldier’ Otabek had told him; his eyes resembled those of someone who had fought and steeled themselves through any situation. It described him to a t, Yurio had fought tooth and nail to get where he was today and he wasn’t about to let his body get in the way of that.

“You know, if there’s anything you need, you can tell me.” Yuuri said, and normally Yurio would wave off the sentiment, but right now he was tired. Tired from everything going wrong today, from not getting any sleep, from his mind refusing to let up.

“Hm.” Was all that escaped Yurio’s lips. Deep down he knew Yuuri meant well, the man couldn’t harm a fly; intentionally at least. He just couldn’t shake the feeling that the other was an outsider, they hadn’t known eachother for years like he and Victor had and even then _their_ relationship was rocky. Put simply it was complicated, and Yurio couldn’t shake the feeling that if he let Yuuri, Victor, or anybody else besides his Grandpa in, it would never work. Even though he had found a friend in Otabek, the fear persisted and he hated it. He hated being so afraid, not being able to be the fierce tiger he was meant to be and his once proud roars were becoming nothing more than small murmurs.

“Are you okay?” Yurio turned to Yuuri,

“Why?” The other flinched,

“Well for one thing you look like you want to maul someone.” Yurio blinked a few times. Was his expression that bad? He took a deep breath before staring into his cup, doing his best to compose himself.

“I’m fine.” Yurio said, but his voice was less then convincing. He knew Yuuri would pick up on it and he knew, because the other is so frustratingly nice, that he would try to help. As expected, Yuuri set his cup down and turned his full attention onto Yurio,

“I won’t pry, but I would like to help if you’d let me.” Maybe it was because of the overwhelming kindness Yuuri provided, or the way he seemed to protrude a gentle aura that wasn’t fake at all. Whatever the reason, Yurio ignored his pride screaming at him and, clutching his mug tighter, spoke,

“I…I’m doing what you do.” It took a moment for Yuuri understand what he meant,

“You mean trying to ‘shut your head off’?” Yurio nodded,

“It’s been happening a lot lately; dammit I don’t even know when it started. When I try to think straight it doesn’t happen, and it’s random shit like me not doing a move right or even not being good enough for my status.” Yurio felt his entire being scream at him to stop talking, emotions tightening around his throat like a vice, but he continued, “And…There are times where it feels like someone is squeezing my chest or head? I don’t know, it’s stupid.”

“It’s far from it.” Yuuri spoke up, “Trust me I know what you’re talking about and it’s not a pleasant feeling.” Yurio frowned as he stared at his reflection in his tea,

“I want it to stop.”

“I know.”

“It’s annoying, and it’s really pissing me off.”

“I know.”

“It’s not fair…Why me? I don’t deserve to feel like this. I do nothing wrong with my routines, I keep my scores up, and my Grandpa is happy with me. So why…?” He turned to Yuuri, not caring how he looked at that moment, “Tell me Katsudon…Why won’t it stop?” Yuuri felt his heart break. He had never seen Yurio look so disheartened and exhausted. Here the Ice Tiger of Russia’s feelings were laid bare, that of a 16-year-old teen who carried so much on his shoulders that the weight was becoming too much to handle.

“I can’t answer that unfortunately. Things like this have their own starting points.” Yuuri then placed a hand on the other’s shoulder, “But that doesn’t mean you have to deal with it alone. I know it’s not easy for you to come out and say how you feel directly but I want you to know that no matter what, there are people who will listen. It’s hard and talking about these things make you feel like your crazy or nobody will understand, but I promise you that’s not true.” Yuuri gave a soft smile, “I can attest to that.” Yurio clenched his teeth behind his lips,

“It’s different.” Yurio muttered, looking down, “You can afford to have your problems affect what you do because you at least have people to fall back on, but I can’t. I can’t screw up any performance, I can’t have what’s going on with me change who I am. If I do…” Then he’d lose everything. Yuuri shook his head,

“You won’t change, you’ll remain the same Yurio no matter how many times you fall. You are one of the strongest people I know Yurio, but even the strongest people need those around them to keep themselves afloat, and you do have people to fall back on; more then you realize. While your grandpa may be your flesh and blood it doesn’t mean he’s the only one that cares for you. You have so many people in your life that care, and we aren’t going anywhere.”

“How?” Yurio whispered, “How do you know? How do you that you won’t leave, that all of you won’t leave?” He looked at Yuuri, tired and defeated, “ ** _How do you know_**?”

“Because no matter how much I thought the same, no matter how bad things got for me, I had people right beside me to prove me wrong. It’s the same for you; you have your grandpa, Victor, me, your rink mates, Yakov, Lilia, and many more people that care about and appreciate you.” Slowly and carefully, Yuuri brought his arms around Yurio and felt the other tense, “It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling right now, it’s not a weakness nor is it something you need to be ashamed of Yurio. If you need to talk, then talk. If you need to scream, then scream. And if you need to cry, then cry.”

“Katsudon…”

“It’s okay Yuri.” With that Yurio let out the frustration and anger he felt in silent sobs, feeling whatever negitive emotions that were with him begin to fade. He hated being so exposed, but the fact that Yuuri knew where he was coming from and projected an aura that made him feel safe was more then enough for Yurio to relax; at least for now. They stayed like that for a while, at least until Yurio stopped crying. Yuuri separated from him, though kept a hand on the younger’s shoulder just in case,

“You feel better?”

“…I don’t know.” Yurio sniffled, “I feel lighter if that makes any sense.” Yuuri nodded,

“It does.” Yurio let out a yawn. Crying had worn him out, though maybe it was for the best; he did finally feel somewhat better, “I think that’s a sign that we both should head to bed.”

“Yeah.” Yurio stood up, but before he walked away he said, “…Thank you.”

“Anytime. Good night Yurio.”

“Night.” With that Yurio returned to his bedroom and he was out before he hit the pillow. Yuuri was the last person he expected to reach out to, but he was grateful he did.

**-O-O-O-**

“I did _not_ fall asleep on you!”

“Don’t be embarrassed!”

“I’m embarrassed because your shouts are filling the entire airport!”

“Come now, Big Brother Victor will carry you!”

“Lay one hand on me and you are **dead**!”

Yuuri sighed. The two Russians had been bickering ever since they got off the plane, and it was attracting the attention of every eye and ear within the building. While Yuuri knew their banter was more playful then anything, it would’ve been nice to at least get to their destination before their ‘match’ started.

“I knew those voices sounded familiar!” A female called. The three’s attention turned to a waving Yuko, “Hey you three! Over here!” The trio walked over,

“Hi Yuko!” Yuuri said, “Hope we didn’t keep you waiting long.”

“Not too long no. Good to see you Victor, Yurio!” Victor sent his trademark heart-smile,

“Same to you!” Yurio nodded,

“Zdravstvuyte.” After exchanging a few more pleasantries, the group exited the airport and made their way to Hasetsu Inn. The walk there was naturally noisy, the four of them talking about how everything had been, how their health has been, what their plans were while staying in Japan, the list went on. It was a bit surreal, mixed with the Christmas decorations and lights, but Yurio found himself not minding it.

“By the way, you remember the thing we discussed right Yuko?” Yuuri asked,

“Of course I remember! What do you take me for?” Yuko’s cheeks puffed up, and Yurio wanted to joke about how she looked like a chipmunk but he kept it to himself.

“What’s this thing?”

“Oh, nothing!” Yuko’s giggles gave away it not being nothing. Arriving at their destination, they were given the usual warm greeting from Yuuri’s family. Usual because to Yurio, Yuuri’s entire family was the embodiment of warmth; at least he knows were Yuuri gets it from.

“It’s great to see you all in such good health!” Hiroko said, “I trust you’re keeping my Yuuri out of trouble?”

“Mom…” Yuuri groaned.

“Oh Yuuri could never cause me any trouble! He’s an absolute angel!” At this Victor hugged Yuuri, who gave a chuckle. Yurio groaned,

“We’re here for only 30 minutes and they _still_ can’t control themselves.” Afterword they unpacked. Well Yurio tried to, but Yuuri and Victor completely took over and stole his stuff away from him before he had any say, which wasn’t suspicious at _all_. He decided to shrug it off though wondered what exactly they did with his things; he would raise hell if they messed with any of his belongings. Soon everyone settled in the living area, joined by the entirety of the Nishigori family and Minako.

“No Yurio, you do it like this!” Loop said, who was showing him how to cut a snowflake. Yurio let out a frustrated sigh,

“These scissors are broken.”

“Don’t worry, it takes a few tries to get them right.” Yuuri said chuckling.

“Easy for you to say Mr.Snowflake. You’ve made at least 15 already.”

“That’s a good nickname Yurio! Can I steal it?” Victor asked and Yurio rolled his eyes albeit with a smirk on his face,

“Do whatever you want old man.”

“Oh? So I can braid your hair and put pretty Christmas bows-”

“ **I take it back**.” There were several activities like this as the day continued. Decorating a tree, eating good food, and even heading outside to have a snowball fight of which no one accepted defeat and by the end of it all who participated were covered in snow. Yurio would be lying if he said it didn’t feel surreal. He never thought he’d be at a gathering surrounded by people other than his grandfather or partake in any type of holiday merriment, then again he never gave these things much thought or time. Honestly it wasn’t so bad. Soon night had fallen and everyone returned inside to warm up, however Yurio found himself sitting outside watching the snow slowly fall. It wasn’t that he disliked being with everyone, he just felt slightly uncomfortable. He didn’t understand how another family, two for that matter, could be so welcoming. He suddenly felt something warm near his face, and looking up he saw Yuko offering him a mug,

“Thought you’d like some hot chocolate.” Yurio stared at her for a moment before accepting the drink,

“Thanks.” Yuko sent him a smile, and he felt butterflies in his stomach. He couldn’t place it, but Yuko’s presence always seemed…motherly to him. Not that he would know much, being without a mother figure for most of his life, but if he had to use an example he’d go with Yuko.

“Mind if I join you?” Yuko asked. Yurio shrugged,

“If you want.” Once seated, Yuko turned to him,

“I heard you don’t celebrate Christmas in Russia.”

“Yeah, not really.” He looked around at the sights, “Is it always like this around this time of year here?”

“Pretty much. It’s not too much for you is it?” Yurio shook his head,

“No. I’ve been to other countries around this time, though I never really made time to do anything other than practice.” He paused, caressing the side of the mug with his thumb, “…I like it here.” Yurio muttered, and if Yuko’s smile got any brighter it would part the clouds in the winter sky,

“I’m glad to hear it. It’s always nice when you guys come to visit, so knowing you feel the same is great.” Yurio felt his cheeks and nose heat up and he responded with a grunt; whether the heat was from embarrassment or the cold he couldn’t quite say. They continued to make small talk, but mostly they sat in a silence. It was peaceful for Yurio, who soon finished his hot chocolate. Taking this as a sign to return inside, he stood up,

“Better get inside. We’ll become frozen statues if we don’t.” When they returned inside, everyone else was huddled in some sort of group meeting. Yurio tilted his head in confusion and became more bewildered with Yuko joined in on it. At her appearance, everyone turned to face the blonde who gave a small jump, “What’s going on?” Yuuri walked over to him and gave a smile,

“You’re about to find out.” He was led towards the others and Yuuri had him sit down in front of the group.

“Mommy can we give it to him?” Lutz asked, to which Yuko gently shushed her daughter,

“In a minute.”

“Aw, I wanted to give it to him.” Victor pouted.

“Now now, it’s from all of us so it doesn’t matter who produces it.” Hiroko said in a soft tone.

“Okay what are you all planning? And why am I involved?” Yurio asked, a bit unsettled. Yuko then sent a signal to her daughters, and they walked over with an unwrapped box,

“Here!” Yurio blinked before looking down at the present. He took it from the children’s hands,

“You guys…Got me a gift?” He suddenly felt slightly awkward, “But I don’t have anything to give back.”

“Don’t be silly! It’s Christmas.” Minako said.

“Besides your reaction will be better than any present.” Victor whispered and he was promptly hushed by his fiance. Yurio looked at the older skater with a raised eyebrow, but soon turned his attention to the present in his hand. He unwrapped and opened it and stared at what it contained.

“We couldn’t choose just one so we decided to put them all together.” Yuko explained, excitement in her voice.

“We hope you like it dear.” Hiroko said with a smile on her lips. Inside the box was a collage of pictures in a frame, all of him with everyone in different situations. There was one of Yuko and the triplets with him at the airport, one of Yuuri and him eating katsudon together, some of Victor, Yuuri, and him during a practice’s break and many more that brought back memories from the year and half that passed. Feeling a swell of emotions fill him, he raised his head and looked at them, the people who took him in with no questions asked and had anticipation written on their smiling faces before looking back at the pictures. Like it? He absolutely loved it.

“You guys…Are seriously giving me this?” He had to ask, “…Why?”

“Why? Because you deserve it!” Yuko said.

**_I really don’t…_ **

“Yuko’s right.” Mari spoke up next, “Ever since you and Victor first came here it’s been one heck of a ride, and none of us would trade that for anything.”

**_I don’t deserve this._ **

“You are an important person to all of us Yurio, and we wanted to show you how much.” Yuuri sent the younger a soft smile.

**_I…_ **

“Ah, he’s crying!”

“Don’t cry Yurio! Oh geez where are the tissues?” Yurio jumped slightly at the sudden panic and realized that he indeed was crying but how could he help it? Two families and their friend had given him something so incredible. Even though none of them had to, even though he didn’t think he deserved it, they still went out of their way to prepare such a wonderful gift. He quickly dried his tears on his sleeve,

“No I…I’m fine.” He really wasn’t. He hasn’t been fine for a long time, because he kept things tightly sealed away inside him. He didn’t understand how other people could be so kind, maybe he never would. They didn’t care about his status nor did they care about how low he may sink. They just…cared. Cared about how he was doing, cared about his health, even cared if he was eating right; just like his grandpa. It’s only been a year and a half, yet he found people who considered him a part of their lives. He wasn’t fine, but that was ok. “I-This-This is amazing. You didn’t have to do this for me, but I don’t think I could’ve asked for anything better.” He looked at everyone, and gave a big tearful smile, “Thank you.”

_*Click*_

Yurio heard a cellphone camera being used. Knowing just who would’ve taken his picture, he turned to Victor with an annoyed look,

“You have ten seconds to delete that.”

“Nope~!” Victor grinned, “This smile will be forever engrained in my phone!” And with that, Yurio began chasing Victor around the room,

“Give me that right now!”

“But you’re smile is so adorable Yurio!”

“ _I will end you!_”

“And like that the mood is gone.” Minako sighed.

“Maybe, but I think we managed to get our point across.” Yuuri gave another smile as he stared on as the two Russians ran around like crazy.

Yurio was the Ice Tiger of Russia, one who roared alone at the peak, but there were always those who awaited him back at his den.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow did I have a good time writing this story. It was difficult at points but I persevered and got it done! It only took me...*Looks at November on a 2019 calendar* Wait but it's 2020. Oooh...  
> Well anyway, I hope you all enjoyed and to those who go through a tough time, I hope my story helped at least a little <3
> 
> lightgirlification


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